year of D’s

Published November 22, 2012 by emotionless brain

What does that mean, to me it means death, destruction, and divorce, and then death again. The year after was not such a good year either.

The loss of a parent is insurmountable, and then comes the loss of the second parent (but wait I thought they were infallible). Let me tell you my side on this. I grew up with a silly notion that my mother would out live my father (why you say well because the male is older and men are not supposed to be widows), both of my parents would live forever, but especially my mother she and I would be the best of friends well past my old age. My mother made a choice, an educated choice to smoke knowing what smoking can and will do to you, also knowing that her mother and her mothers mother both died of some type of cancer. While she did not die from lung cancer, she did die from cancer. She had amazing talent and strength, she could pick up any medium and perfect the skill, and strength the woman lived for three years with stage four metastatic ca. What I still cannot wrap my head around is why my mother ever doubted herself, or was unable to “command” anyone or anything. I am fairly confident I did not get my strength from my father, his mo was to become a recluse. Now wisdom, that I give almost all credit to my father, he was smart, intelligent, but not so clever, and definitely not street or people smart.

I took care of my mother to the end, and my father too. I was fortunate to have five years with my father after my mother died. I used to say I had four children the two I gave birth to my husband, and my father. Especially in the end when his cognitive function was reduced to only sometimes. To watch a man go from being a mensa to asking “why do i need to eat”, that was difficult and also raising two small children. Had my father not lived with my kids and me, he would not have survived the five years he did. I am not looking for validation, but at what point am I allowed to gloat in that I unconditionally cared for my parents to the end.

Topic for discussion another time pride vs ego….


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