my head hurts

Published December 7, 2012 by emotionless brain

Why is it that every school morning I get a headache. I had an epiphany today after I dropped my son off I watched him walk about 50 steps to get to the crosswalk, it was chilly and his hoodie was up but his head was down and when I got a glimpse of his face he was not animated looking as is his personality. He was not sad but solemn; I had a mental flash “if he does not find the good stuff at home he will seek it elsewhere”. That scares the bejeebies out of me. I ask myself “do I give him the good stuff at home?” I am sure most parents ask themselves the same questions. It seems once a child reaches a certain age they no longer communicate themselves to the parental units, and it will take years if ever again to be able to communicate effectively. As a mother I now truly understand how a mother’s heart aches for a child, and what makes the world seem so scary. But I also remember being a child and the feeling of being infallible, like no harm could ever come to me, or nothing can stop me.

I have made a promise to myself to try to live, love and laugh more, if not for myself for my children. So they will never “have” to look elsewhere for the good stuff.

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