Yesterday my ex-husband (who has possession of our children this weekend for visitation) was unable to figure out how to coordinate being on call at work (a 30 min response time when paged) and getting our son to his first indoor soccer game. While I listened to him describe all of his problems with the situation, I firmly but nicely stated “when the children are in your possession it is your accountability to coordinate getting them to where they need to be, not mine.” “I take care of getting them where they need to be during my time of possession, and I do it alone (there is only one of me, there is he, his wife, and his family just down the street).” I suggested a plan of action, and a back up plan in case the original plan falls thru, and that I already had a previous engagement (which at the moment was the truth, since then I have been able to change my plans).
Like clockwork he called bright and early this morning with a sob story about how he had a “diabetic episode (he has been diabetic for 10 years now, and not a brittle one either) and was unable to get our son to his first game. Fortunately I took my cue yesterday from the initial conversation and changed my plans, cancelling my entire day for today to be ready for this.
I am not looking for validation (but a little would soften my mood), why if he is married and allegedly has a participating wife is it my JOB to pay for everything (yes he pays child support, but we all know that barely covers basic necessities) and always be on-call for everything. Is there ever a time when I stop rearranging my life to meet everyone else’s inabilities knowing it will be my children that pay the biggest price, and become I become selfish and do what I want to do? What kind of person would that make me? what kind of parent would I be if I did that?
We chose together to have children together, it was not my or his decision unilaterally, Instead we decided as a team, granted the team dynamics have changed but really why do I feel like I am the only one providing and “taking care of” our children. (in case you don’t get it that is a rhetorical question).
Life is good, my kids are home and we are getting ready for my sons first indoor soccer game together and he will be great!!!!!!!!