more of this and that

Published February 9, 2013 by emotionless brain

This morning I had a meeting at my sons school with one of the guidance counselors. She wanted to share with me about the conversation she had with him the other day when he took off from the house at 0630am. He told her he was angry with his sister, I was amazed that she fell for his confabulated story, I basically told her she had been had. She tried the old song and dance about counseling. I explained to her why at this point the financial burden of counseling was not something I was willing to take on again. I proceeded to tell her some of the names of the counselors we have used in the past few years, and what brought me to the decision it was futile. That my son will go and sit there,not saying a word and each one of the many counselors took my monies and allowed this to happen repeatedly, in fact one individual not only took my payment also billed my insurance for a whopping 10min of silence, they allowed him to leave the session after 10 min because “he said he was done”. What did I pay for?

Lets not even discuss the public “big brother” program, there is a year and a half waiting list, and we are the wrong color for that program. (I am not a bigot, but there are certain situations where race and social status are impactive on ones ability to get assistance. This conversation is so transparent each and every time it goes the exact same way, after I explain about counseling not being effective, the next question is have you looked into your church (or as I say in a PC fashion) or a religious affiliation? I politely explain we are Jewish and were we practice does not have offer any community assistance like that. I have looked into Jewish Family Services, and do not get me started there, first they do not accept insurance (my kids have insurance under their father), and because they have insurance they do not qualify for “free services”.

Each time I have to go thru this (and there have been  a few times) I am reminded of why I feel so alone in the world, and sometimes that is ok. My parents are gone my mother died in 2003, my father in 2008. I have three half siblings who think the world would be a better place if I did not exist. Growing up we knew of each other, but never knew each other (we met a couple times as kids), they were in one city and I was in another city. In fact a year ago when my ex tried to sue me for custody two of the three siblings that acknowledge my existence tried to brain wash me to think that the kids would be better with their father instead of me. That is some kind of sibling love, with that who needs enemies…

When I was a kid my dream of being grown up did not include this, being alone raising two kids in uncharted waters, without so much as a map to guide me. I always imagined one or both of my parents would always be there, to me they were infallible, larger than life, invincible.  My mother would out live my father, we would all grow old together, not for them to die five years apart both from different types of cancers (I know whats in the cards for me, so I try to live as healthily as possible).

I took the kids to Sonic this evening (as a treat for them I did not eat), they each had a meal and an Oreo blast, after they ate their meals they both complained of belly aches, and declined to eat the Oreo shake. Reality check here, junk food may taste good going in, once in your system will never like it, and will revolt on you. When will they learn that every time they eat fast food they get sick (that is all they eat with their father, eating out is eating at McDonald’s instead of the drive thru).

Life is good, I am breathing, the kids are sleeping dreaming of… sweet yummies. Feathers are tucked in, furbabies have finally stopped chewing and are resting, bellies are full. I think I will join everyone in the land of nodzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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