Is it real or drama

Published February 14, 2013 by emotionless brain

This morning after I dropped my daughter off at her school I had my 10 min alone to drive my son to his school, I asked him “why do you not want to go to your fathers?” I do not force my children to go to their fathers if they do not want to go, no matter what they do not want to go they do not go. Typical my son hemm hawed, and tried to deflect the subject, I gently nudged him again explaining that it was unhealthy not to be able to talk about “feeling, and inner stuff”. He finally came back with “Ima (Hebrew for Mom) I am so focused on school right now I do not want to break the focus, and going to my fathers always jacks me up, I come home and are gritchy and cannot get back into my groove”.

I hear two things here, one that he may actually be for real with this, and two there is an ulterior motive as to why he wants to stay and has yet again confabulated something he thinks sounds good (wouldn’t be the first time for this).  One friend said I need to “validate” my son, I did by congratulating him (without sarcasm, cause sarcasm is my nature) for being able to verbalize his feelings. But… I also realize that my son is very immature in the executive function development, in that he has absolutely no coping skills, or ability for adaptation, I realize my job as his parent is still in an infancy stage. He will be 12 yo this year, and cannot grasp that there is another way…

After I dropped him off at school, I drove to work reflecting, and spent the rest of the day not thinking about the holiday tomorrow (St. Valentines day), but instead focused on how to move forward with this. First option: therapy, yes therapy should be a good place to learn different techniques, patterns, retrain behavior. REALITY check here, what 12 yo boy is going to talk to a therapist/counselor? Not worth the financial burden it will create. Second option, CBT (Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) is a type of psychotherapeutic treatment that helps patients understand the thoughts and feelings that influence behaviors. CBT is commonly used to treat a wide range of disorders, including phobias, addiction, depression and anxiety), another REALITY check, absolutely no one offers CBT for kids under insurance in my city (I have spent many hours looking into this already). Third option, hope for the best prepare for the worst? I would not be doing my job as a parent and role model, and will most assuredly have a repercussion down the road with unresolved dysfunctionality for my son, nope this is the worst option thus far. Any suggestions? I am open to ideas…

 

 

Life is good, the house is quiet all are asleep except me, bellies full I treated the kids to dinner out for an early Valentines celebration (tomorrow will be to crazy to try to go out).

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11 comments on “Is it real or drama

  • I’m a major fan and supporter of therapy. Not only because I work in the social service field but also because I’ve been through therapy as well. You should be able to find a therapist that specializes in working with children.

    • I am a supporter of “therapy” too, I have looked everywhere for someone who offers CBT for kids. Everyone I spoke to “used to but does not anymore”. I have only found CBT for adults and with a hefty price tag.

      • Is there a school psychologist at your sons school? He could try talking to him/her and the school psychologist is the one that decides whether or not he needs any sort of assistance.

      • No there are “guidance counselors” that are useful just above the holes after you punch holes in a piece of paper. Pardon my sarcasm, but they seem to absorb their paychecks, and look good doing it. I have spent many countless hours researching the subject, I have reached out to people from other cities attempting to tap any and all resources, all without success.

  • Your son does have coping strategies. He has figured out that a particular situation causes him distress, so he avoids it. Avoidance is a strategy. He may need a bigger toolbox. And he is more likely to talk to a therapist than to you. It’s not a waste of time or money.

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