Fri night both kids stayed home with me because their father decided his social life took priority over his visitation with his children. Saturday morning my daughter had a 0945 soccer game, I took them to that both kids went home to their fathers from there. I went bowling with some people from work, came home and could not sleep last night. The kids were brought home 30 min early so of course I was not ready. Today we had planned to go shopping, next weekend is a Bar Mitzvah we are attending, and the kids need shul clothes (and to begin shopping for summer camp clothes too). We started a little rough, but I was able to get my son to change his tude from sour to amicable. We were shopping at an “outlet center“, and as soon as my son saw Nike, he lost it. You see he has been begging for the Nike La Bron shoes (allegedly all his friends have them as school). Not that I needed to but I again explained multiple reasons why there would not today or ever be a purchase of $200 shoes for him by me. He has asked other family members to get them for him, he tried for his birthday, they all said the same thing (with out even discussing it with me).
We got home and oh boy the shith hitith the fan. I had to call the police, who claim the only ting they can do is either arrest his and take him in, or “talk to him”. To my son talk is of no use, it never works with him. After they left he still refused to come inside, then began cussing at me saying f. u., and that I did not love him because I called the police on him. I caught him at one point and got him inside, he then opened the window and crawled out. Meanwhile his father began calling pestering me, saying things like “you need to take the belt to him”, “you need to take care of him”, etc, etc. I explained that it is against the law to use corporal punishment (something I learned from CPS in one of the two times they have been called on me) a belt and washing the mouth with soap. Not allowed, my ex-husband does not believe me on this, threatening to drive here to “handle it himself”. What ever, he then called my half-brother (whom I do not speak for many reasons)and boo-hooed to him in an attempt to solicit his assistance (another testament to the fact that he does not know how to handle the child). I had to threaten my ex that if he ever calls my brother again or tries to solicit their assistance with my children I will pack the kids up move and he will never see them again. I was livid at this point. You see I have joint custody, but 100% custodianship, meaning that I alone without any discussion make the decision where my children will live (so if I wanted to move to another country I can, let me have this fantasy please).
Having raised this child for 12 years I know him better than he knows himself. When he gets like this the only thing you can do is be more patient than he is, he does not have much stamina and will wear down quickly (especially if he has not eaten in the past three hours). This was at 1830, I knew it was one hour before bed time, he has not eating since lunch time, and would not last much longer. My ex kept calling yelling at me to take care of the child, I kept trying to explain to the intelligent, thought processed, supportive father of the year that I was taking care of the child. The boy goes out in the front yard and plays by himself all the time, just because he is out there now angry being a shit I do not need to sit out there and pester him. Give the boy some space to breathe, is there any question why the boy suffocates when he goes to visit his father. I was preparing dinner, doing my Sunday evening chores, and also taking care of my daughter. I cannot abandon her to go chase the boy. He knows where his belongs, and will come back when he is ready.
Sure enough when the sun went down, hunger, thirst, and exhaustion took over, he was banging on the door to come in full of tears and fake apologies. I sent him to take a hot bath, after he ate his dinner, and then to bed. This rage was triggered by a few different things, in no specific order 1. he spent the night at his fathers, 2. he has “standardized testing” this week and is incredibly apprehensive about it, 3. he did not get his way about the Nike La Bron shoes.
Hopefully tomorrow will start a new day, and leave this one and all its trauma behind. I am tired, words are running together.