the little engine that could

Published July 1, 2013 by emotionless brain

I think I can I think I can I think I can

Do you ever sit back and wonder if other people go thru the same stuff as you?I do all the time. This blog has helped me to learn safely that I am not the only one that feels something or thinks something. This is a safe place (yes I have trust issues) I can put my thoughts out there and get non-judgmental or non opinionated responses back. You see there are only four people I have personally invited that I know (including my counselor) to read this blog, the rest of ya’ll are people that have stumbled upon me and liked what you read so you keep coming back. On a different subject that is incredibly validating. Squirrel moment, too early in the morning meds not in yet.

So the past week I have been blogging about an object of smitten-ness. I will refer to him as Mr S. He left Friday to go a pre planned vacation with his family. I good with that, we knew it was happening even before we began things last week. I admire and respect that he is a devoted father who loves his kids as much as life (as do I). What a rare trait to come across, it appears as if most men once they are divorced it is a burden or a chore or an inconvenience to provide, care, or tend to the ex-wife’s children. Guess what buster those are your seeds too, just because you are no longer together you created life you should stick to your commitment (or did you not realize that having children is a life long commitment?) Squirrel moment again, sorry

Any way Mr. S left Friday, and I have not heard from him, try to imagine the thoughts racing thru my head (they are too jumbled to express right now). I know in my heart he is with his family, and having some much needed and earned rest and relaxation. In my head I am wondering why he has not reached out to say hello or anything. I am staying positive, I spent the weekend taking care of business (a body in motion stays in motion, and I am in motion with motivation again). One could speculate this or that, but to me it is leaning towards that reason why I have avoided this situation historically. Call it what you like, it is easier to avoid these situations that put oneself out there to misunderstand and get hurt.

I am choosing to think of this as he is busy with his family. Is there an excuse acceptable for absolutely no communication?

Life is good, I am employed, furbabies are happy, feathers are happy, the kids come home from camp in six days!!!! This weekend I went thru my closet (was that ever scary) and almost finished painting my daughters room (that I started last year). I am still a better person today for having this experience and being able to enjoy the elation of someone showering me with attention (even if it may have been short lived).

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2 comments on “the little engine that could

  • I too have found many people going through the same things here in the blogging world. The fact that you can “let your hair down” since most are all strangers helps. It is hard for me since I know no one who has also lost their husband. Here I have met and connected with other widows who know exactly what I am going through.

    You are wondering about Mr. S’s lack of communication. Well I have been talking to a guy who lives in Florida ( I live in Indiana) and sometimes it might be a few days between communications. Of course I freak out right away that he has dumped me or something. Then every time he contacts me and say not to worry he was just busy or something. Know he is enjoying time with his kids. Who knows once your kids come home you might be too busy for him sometimes.

    I am happy for you that you might have found a true keeper with your Mr. S. Don’t be too quick to judge, just see how it goes. I love reading your posts and hope you have a good week. 🙂

    • I sympathize with what you are going thru, there are widows out there. One thing I am faithful about is never to judge, anyone who knows me also knows I may say things that sound judgmental, but judgmental I am not.
      You too will find your special person to treat you like the queen you are!!! Faith, for both of us…

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