audio books

Published July 6, 2013 by emotionless brain

Today while putting my daughters room back together (she comes home from camp tomorrow) I was listening to an audio book called “He’s just not that into you” by Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo It is in the same genre as “Not Your Mother’s Rules: The New Secrets for Dating (The Rules)” that I came across this past week.

I made the choice when I was younger to sew my oats, party, play and have fun. When I was younger I did not have the vision to marry, have kids and do the “normal” things in life. I was more a rebel with a cause (a topic for another day). Even though I men friends, and I had “fuck-buddies” I never really dated. My perception of dating was and still is that “dating” is too much work, I know nothing in life that is worth while is easy, but give me a break. Now there are books that explain “THE RULES“. It is all so tedious and consuming. Historically (admittedly not successfully after reading and listening to the audio book) if I had an interest in someone and there was chemistry we would do our thing whatever it was, if there was not any chemistry I never bothered. I could not be bothered to hang with or be touched by someone if there was no chemistry. Apparently it is a male trait that without attraction and or chemistry it does not can not will not work. Call me balanced between my estrogen and testosterone, hahahahahah  If there was not something there the I was attracted by forget it, you would not stand a chance to spend time near me.

I was a very outspoken, opinionated, never judgmental person, things have changed, I have aged, grown up, seen the light, and mellowed out. While I can be outspoken, I prefer not to be so vocal, and or expressive about everything. I spend more time observing rather than engaging. I still never judge, for I have seen what judgement does to people, and I chose to be different. If someone does something I do not agree with and it is not a threat of life and or limb I will keep my opinion to myself, only the threat of life/limb or the disruption of life are egregious enough for me to say something. When I see something I want I work towards obtaining it, whatever “IT” may be. Apparently in the dating world that is not the way things operate, who knew? Another life lesson learn the balance between when to work towards something and when not to? How confusing, and why am I supposed to participating in this game? Because it “FEELS” good? So do other things but that does not mean I do them. I am warm blooded and love sex as much as the next person, I love contact, of course it “feels good” to touch and be touched, it would be amazing to have someone in my life to have that on a regular basis. I am not sure I like it enough to play the dating games, being a single working parent with limited resources I am not sure how or if I want to “play these games”.

So that being said I have not heard from Mr. S this entire week, oh well it was a fun week we spent together. He had a very positive impact on my life in more ways than one. I am still in motion thanks to him. I will not call him, I will not text him, I will not email him. He knows how to reach me, and with my kids back home, booty calls are not a reality (I cannot bring myself to engage in sexual activity/behavior with my kids in the house no matter if they are awake or asleep and my kids are light sleepers). If it was meant to be it will be, a true test to faith.

Life is good, I will see my kids tomorrow!!!!!! I am ecstatic, elated, jovial, happy, and smiling. I will find a way once the kids are settled  in to have a social life. I have realized that I will also be a healthier person to maintain a life and an identity separate from my kids.


4 comments on “audio books

  • OMG, this is filled with a lot of stuff. So much makes good sense. I also had a fleeting thought that someday, Emotionless Brain would make a great book, filled with all your brilliant writings. You have come a long way, baby, and your experience with Mr. S. has enriched you. You need to take care of YOU! The rest will come along in due time. Take good care of the kiddies. I love the positive outlook, looking forward to their return tomorrow. What a wonderful change from just a few years ago. YOU GO, GIRL! I love you.

    • thank you. I am at a loss for words at your amazing compliment. The title “emotionless brain” has a double triple quadruple meaning. So when I say the writings are about my learning to live with emotions you either know or can imagine the history. I have always taken care of me, even when I was on the road following the Grateful Dead, I always came first. Then came children, and I lost sight of me, I have found me again, and truer words never said, the rest will come in due time whatever is meant to be will be. Without love in a dream, it can never come true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • I love you. Someday we will get together again. We do have a lot of history, don’t we? I could have killed you (not really) when you went to follow the Dead. XXX

  • I am so glad you are putting yourself first. You will be no good to your kids if you are not satisfied with yourself and the choices you make. I hope Mr. S contacts you when he gets home and settled. My guy has gone days also without any contact and then there he is. If he doesn’t at least you have a positive attitude. If it is meant to be it will happen. My motto in life is “Everything happens for a reason”. I try not to sweat the small stuff, I don’t always succeed but at least I try. I wish you luck.

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