confusing confusing confusing

Published July 28, 2013 by emotionless brain

I told my girlie long before I met Mr. S that I do not do the dating scene. I met Mr.S at a party, totally innocently not even being “introduced”. We have spent the past month doing lots of different things, all in the category of what I thought was dating.

Now he has become weird again (exactly as he did when he went on holiday with his kids earlier in the summer). This time he said things like “I am sure we will still be in touch. I cannot be certain or promise I will be able to see you”, and I am sure we will communicate, I just don’t know about late night visits”. WTF?

We had date nite Friday night we went out to dinner and then to a movie. I actually had been in a funk for a couple of days, I am in the last two weeks of this job and it is wearing on me and all the negative crap that goes on with it. I even gave Mr.S an out for Friday nite because I was not in a social mood, but no he insisted. I should have trusted me gut on Friday morning when I told my girlie I wanted to call things off with him, that I needed to go back to focusing on my l kids and not worrying about my desires or emotions.

Like a sap I listened to her, “he likes you, he likes being with you”, “would someone be so romantic if they were not also interested?” I do not fault her in any way for any of this. You see Mr.S is like a brother to her, he is a better brother to her than her own two blood brothers who always seem to sit in judgement of her. I made the request of her not to let my experience shadow her relationship with Mr.S, he is too valuable to her. He is not a bad person, we all have had our indiscretions, we are all divorced and accountable for failed marriages, whatever. I am not out looking for a husband, but I also am not the kind of person that will accept Mr. Right Now. There are too many potential problems, diseases, etc that can and will destroy  your life.

I do not know if Mr.S is stressing about things in his life or what, but he communicated all of this via text, really? Talk about “RULES“, dude you just violated one of the worst ones. Who knows, and now I do not care.

I am still in motion, I will not stop (I refuse to give anyone the power to slow me down when I am moving in a good direction). This only changes things, no more romance, no more sex, no more date nites, yadda, yadda. No I will not be looking to try this again, I was not looking when I met Mr.S, I am most definitely not looking now. If and when it jumps up and bites me again I will consider it (it did this time, it will again). Until then my heart will safely retreat back into its shell much like a turtle, and I will go back to being 100% focused on my kids and not on myself.

Do not hear me say I will stop caring for myself, I will always take care of me. Getting pedicures (as I always have), bikini waxing is new but I’ll stick with it (easier than shaving like I always have done), I have all new undergarments (some sexy some not), I have new pajamas, what more do I need? I am not the kind of person that needs someone in their life, or needs someone to “fill their cup”, I am capable of filling my own cup, and as much as I love sex to me it is not worth the hassle of dealing with someone else baggage.

Life is good, I am finally able to get back on track with my kids and not a moment too soon school starts in one month, feathers are happy, furbabies are snoozing, kids are fast asleep, I have had a glass of wine and will be going to bed soon too.

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3 comments on “confusing confusing confusing

  • Whoops! didn’t read this before i responded to later blog. Uh Oh, I had a feeling that Mr. S was finking out. It’s not you. Maybe he got caught up in something he wasn’t ready for emotionally. I still maintain you have to come first, and when you are happy, everyone else around you, furbabies and feathers included, will reflect your happiness. Keep up the pedicures and sexy underwear. It makes you feel sexy and happy. When are you done with this pain in the ass job? This Friday? Can’t come soon enough for you, I am sure.

    Love you.

    • My current employment tenure will be over this week (and yes Friday cannot come fast enough). Who is to say it is Mr.S or me? Since he was incapable of facing me to tell me for now no one knows, I do not judge him for this nor do I begrudge him. It is what it is, and like I have said from the beginning it is meant to be it will be.
      Life will go on, I am not only a better person for the brief experience, but in a better place as well. While it was me that did all the work to improve myself I attribute Mr.S for showing me the open door to step through that I could not see before.
      Life is good and I am still moving.

  • I admire your strong will and positive attitude. You are correct when you say if it is meant to be with you and Mr. S or any other man for that matter it will be. You just need to be patient. I hope your new job will be a refreshing change from the one you are leaving Friday. At least for me, being happy or at least content at work means a lot for the rest of your life. How are your kids doing since coming home? Maybe you can use this last month before school starts to spend with them and then decide what you want to do for you. I have decided to take a step back once my kids leave and really think about the direction I want my life to go. I wish you luck and look forward to reading your blog. Your strong determination and positive attitude gives me hope for my life. Have a great week. 🙂

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