is it over yet?

Published August 1, 2013 by emotionless brain

Every day this week Mr.S has texted me to remind me my crappy job situation is very temporary (he know how miserable I  am there). Yesterday he texted “hump day”, I knew this meant only three more days till it is over. This simple single act elated my heart, how silly is that? Mr. S is a funny guy…

So later yesterday evening I sent Mr.S (part of our routine) a picture of the thermostat is my vehicle that read 111 saying MAJOR hot. to which he replied, and then I began describing; “fantasizing about sitting pool side with a cold fruity drink”. he replied “fun, I then invited him to join my fantasy to which his misunderstood me inviting him over (I wish I could) to which he replied “tempting” (talk about tempting, I would love to be able to see him even if only for a few moments). I let that set a few moments, I then said; ” to join the fantasy all you have to do is imagine and then share what you see”. Of course there was no reply to this.

Mr.S then apologized for being out of communication the past few days, I replied with “no apology needed, I understand the bigger picture, and that I am happy for him to be in a better place with his kids”.  While I will take the bits and pieces for now with texting, I hate that texting is so subject to individual interpretation. I also said that I am working really hard at being a “rules girl” to which he came back with “do not confuse unconventional and being a follower with “the rules”. Holy crap, did I miss something? Admittedly I have prided myself with being unconventional, but a follower? Thems figntin words in my dictionary. I replied “unconventional absolutely, please do not confuse my tempering myself with being a follower, I am no longer BLAZING through life speaking everything I think and allowing other people to take lead or charge”. I also said I would have to pick his brain on why he thinks I am a follower. What I really meant when I said “rules girl” and I will explain this to him later is that for the first time ever I am moderating myself in a relationship, as much as I want to say to him “I miss you and want to see you” I will not. I do not want to be selfish ( I am sure if I push he would take time out from dad mode to accommodate my desire), he needs this time with his kids it is healthy for him and puts him in a better place I will not distract him from it. This is huge for me, It is very difficult, I am not enjoying it at all. I also after reading the “rules book” have decided not to be the aggressor, this summer my motto is break the chains that bind. I have not had success in previous relationships (hence I am divorced and single), so I am willing to try something different. In the rules book it says to let the “man” be the aggressor, let him be “in charge”, if he wants to say he misses me, I will gladly and honestly reciprocate, until then I have to keep it to myself. I do not want him to have any “genetic Jewish guilt” about me while he is doing what he needs to do. Does this make sense? I know I am over thinking it, but if you knew me in person you would understand this is me.

I meet my new boss today, I am very nervous.

My son has begun raging again and has left for a few days, I will blog about this later.

I need a hug……………………………………………………………………………………………………


One comment on “is it over yet?

  • I wish I could give you a hug. I know there are times I could use one myself. Try not to over-analyze what Mr. S texts you. You might think he means one thing when in reality he means something totally different. That is the main thing I hate about texting. It is sometimes very hard to get your emotions across or to say things that could not be misinterpreted. You have only one more day at your current job! I knew you would make it fine. How did it go meeting the new boss today? I sure hope your new job will be everything you are looking for and that you will enjoy it as much as I enjoy my job. As for your son, give him the space he needs for now. I know you are a good mom and that he will realize this soon and come around. Have a great weekend! 🙂

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