I follow another blog that often speaks about their “triggers”. I well know what a trigger is, and I thought I had mine under control. Sunday something was said to me that triggered me to a difficult place.
Since then I have spiraled out of control, and so has most of my relationships. I have not spoken or heard from Mr.S (for all intent and purposes I am going with things are over between us), my girlie well after she screamed at me this morning, then sent me an incredibly l o n g text I finally texted back “forget it”. My son returned from being out of town Monday evening, came home with the worst attitude, that when he woke up on Tuesday Morning he hit the door and has not been back since. For now that is perfectly fine with me.
I am ready to scream at my new job. I am emotionally RAW, and totally dysfunctional, I want to cry at every turn. This is not all about Mr.S, you know for all that transpired between us, I never imagined he would just buggar off without notice.
While I am hurt and angry this current state I am in really does not revolve around anyone person, but all of them. I learned a long time ago that always speaking ones mind is not the best thing, especially when if what you are saying may hurt someone else or have an after effect that could hurt someone. Think about what you say and who you say it to and what the trickle effect of it might be. I made a choice a long time ago that I would protect myself from heartache. I do not trust (and for valid reasons), I do not date (also for valid reasons). And now it is turtle time, by that I will withdraw (sadly en light of how Mr.S magically brought me back to life). I have to figure out what happened that jacked my brain and fix it. I guess you could say it is a good thing Mr.S buggared off when he did, I am in no shape to be around anyone.
Worry not I will return once I put the ugly emotional beast back into hibernation, I always do, not my first or my last rodeo.