how I choose to live my life

Published September 7, 2013 by emotionless brain

If I coulda, shoulda, woulda then life is perfect right? I did not, I choose not to coulda shoulda woulda. I do not necessarily have regrets, there are a few things I might have done differently (hindsight is always 20/20).

At yoga this morning the instructor recited some very interesting paraphrases that resonated with me. Specifically about acceptance, both of self and of surroundings. I am accepting of my surroundings (even if I think they need changing, lol), but of my self that needs some work. I accept myself in my head, but have total disconnect from my heart. I know that I am this and that (not in a conceited way), but for some reason I have a bone in my hear that keeps me pushing harder and more, always attempting to achieve my perception of perfection in whatever the subject may be. Cooking, working a puzzle, at the gym, anything I always set a higher standard for myself. When something does not go as planned, I do not blame myself, I simply dissect the situation to assess my participation and if or what I might have done differently and if that change was a guarantee for success. Usually not, then why do I go thru this mental masturbation you ask? Because most of the time I am bored, and need something to keep my mind occupied, especially when driving (and lately I have had a lot of that, averaging 800+ miles a week for work).

The next logical question might be “do I expect perfection from myself? Um no, I am only human, and humans are imperfect. I can still try to achieve perfection in any way possible.

I am still in motion.


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