at a loss for words and more

Published October 6, 2013 by emotionless brain

I also live by an unspoken code that all people should live by, it is called “code”, if you google code of friendships you find all sorts of interpretations, some of which may be applicable in different age groups and situations. Some rules are standard across the board, the one below to me is a primary one:


1# Rule no 1 and the MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL.. No girl may date her friend’s; exs, past crushes, guys who have humiliated/used her and guys she currently fancies… Do this at your own risk biatch!! 


A few days ago someone requested a face to face with me, I agreed why not I do not have skeletons in my closet. While we all have “secrets” and there are things in my past I choose not to share, I make a conscious choice to live so that never happens again, and skeletons can not haunt me. I have seen what happens to people with haunting skeletons, not a pretty or pleasant sight.

By the time the conversation occurred I had already figured it out, so fortunately for me I was less blindsided or reactive. What does one say to another when they are “informing” you they are seeing someone you used to date? How should one react? I did not react, I simply responded with I already knew, and that I do not hate him or wish any ill will on him (or her). She proceeded with how she does not agree with what he did to me, blah blah blah, I replied with he did it before he will do it again. I also explained to her that he made his choice to stop speaking to me, not the other way around. Sadly he has not nor will he any time soon break the chains that bind him, whatever the reason I do not care anymore, he is not part of my life. I do not wish ill will on him or on anyone else for that matter.

Despite having been violated, having my trust broken (any one who knows me knows trust is my biggest chain or burden), I can not “hate” anyone, I choose to see past their faults. I believe that if in my mind and heart I only ever wish the best for other people it will come back to me ten-fold. Besides there is enough negativity in the world, why harbor more? If a relationship is over be it a girlie friend or a boy friend, it is over why beat a dead horse? Move on, keep living…

I am not sure if it is my place to approve or disapprove, I am not sure how I feel about this. At the moment of conversation I iterated to her that he is not part of my live, moving on. She said that this was the first “boyfriend” since her not complete divorce, I raised one eyebrow and inquired. She said all the others were just about sex, this was different (maybe it is different because he is also Jewish, she mumbled). They share one common hobby, that is great. I hope they are happy together (obviously he did not find what he was looking for with me), now I have to figure out how I feel about my friendship with her…

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