thinking thinking thinking

Published October 7, 2013 by emotionless brain

I have been thinking non stop for the past 24 hours, cycling through many different emotions. Some good some healthy, some bad some not healthy. All appropriate considering the bomb that was exploded on my yesterday.

Here is one perspective: I want to crawl under a rock and hide, fuck people and the world they live in. People are disgusting, two faced, liars, cheaters, and useless.

Another perspective: I want to be a total biotch, by being disruptive to the people that betrayed me, and fucking up their alleged utopia.

And another: Do nothing, go on with life.

Clearly the people that have violated me care not for me or my feelings. If they did they would have been mature responsible adults, he by having a discussion with me about not wanting to be involved with me any more (now he hides behind “too much time has passed, I would not know what to say”, puleeze), and her by knowing code. First and foremost you do not date your girlies ex anything, no matter what (unless you ask permission before, not two months into it).

I never wish ill will on anyone, never have no matter how hurt or angry. I truly wish for them to find the Utopia/Shalom Bayet they seek (and if they find it in each other good for them). I do not judge people either, not my nature. So I will keep my comments and opinions to my self about anyone, friend or foe.

I keep hearing “oh there is such a limited selection of single Jewish men”, really? try opening up your horizon, be less rigid on the parameters of what you are willing to explore and try. There are plenty of single Jewish men, with and without degrees and pedigrees. You have to go outside your comfortable small closed circuit to find them, but they exist.

One girlie tells me she has this great guy to set another girlie up with, the other girlie thinks she is not introducing them because she is keeping him possibly for herself. I iterate I do not judge, just because I make comments or speak with emphasis does not equivilate my being judgmental.

One girlie had a long time good friend in town to visit, she introduced him to her girlies. I found him amusing conversation for the evening. She said he was “smitten” by me, seriously how could he not be.  I am 110 lbs of intelligent, amazing, understanding, quirky, fun. For that matter, why wouldn’t any man be taken with me? I do not know, and I do not care.

I took a chance this summer, laid my cards out on the table and got involved, he never “broke it off with me, he just stopped acknowledging my existence. Yes, over night he went dark and stopped talking to me. I found out yesterday he and one of my girlies (whom I have been nothing but supportive thru her prolonged, torturous, separation ( it has been a year and there still is no ink to dry)) have been hooked up in a love fest for over a month.

I am hurt, angry, I feel violated. Please let me heal, and know that while I am quirky in humor I am odd not in humor. What works for me most assuredly would not work for you nor will it make any sense. There is absolutely nothing anyone can do to change any of the events that have occurred, nor is there anything that will change how I feel. I will work thru this in my own way and in my own time.  Until such time I ask that you not judge me, and be accepting of the choices I make even if you do not agree with them. Know that just because I do not reach out to you does not mean I do not think about you or care about you, it simply means that I am healing.


2 comments on “thinking thinking thinking

  • You are absolutely right. There are plenty of Jewish men out there…. There could not possibly be any rational reason for 2 to be stuck on the same one (not that you are stuck on him). I say, give another a chance and open your heart up for love.

    • You still miss my point. I am not stuck, I am still in a forward motion and will not stop for anyone. I crack jokes about “breaking the chains that bind”, that is exact what I am doing. I know it appears that I am not working thru whatever this is, but I am. This is where I ask you to have blind faith and know that when I say something it is truth. The blind faith is because I know the way I am working thru this appears foreign, and illogical and it probably is. But then that is the story of my life successes and failures have always been logically illogical.

      Welcome to some of the inner workings of emotionless brain.

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