blah blah blah

Published October 5, 2014 by emotionless brain

The past few months have been quite grueling for me. I suspect have slipped a little backwards with depression. I have done so well since 2010 when I did a revolutionary treatment called Nexalin Therapy that allowed me to stop all medications (except my ADHD meds). I never felt better, I wonder why I took all those chemicals for all those years all without resolve. I stayed away from the mood stabilizers I always got a bad vibe from that family of medications. A couple months ago I did a week of booster Nexalin treatments, and are still waiting to dream in colour again (that was one of the amazing side effects the last time was nearly a year of dreaming in colour.

Work has become a burden, and not one worth bearing. I used to love my job and what i did, not anymore. When I converse with people from work all I hear is “blah blah blah, mine, I need blah blah I want, you owe me, blah blah”. I thought corporate had an epiphany and was actually agreeing on changing things to improve workflows, sadly not and I was the patsy this time.

I have both kids at home, and are struggling because the other parents are too stuck up to car-pool with me. This makes it terribly difficult for me to do my job effectively (although up until now I have been squeaking by). I admit I am a workaholic, why is that such a bad thing? I have work a tenacious work ethic, and proud of it. Why does the world have a problem with it?


wow amazing how people try to steal power

Published August 6, 2014 by emotionless brain

A few months ago I was saddled with a new co-worker, you can surmise by my sarcasm that I do not have much thought or regard for this individual. My opinion is solely based on the few experiences and communications I have had with her.

She hides everything, only tells each person little bits and pieces so no one ever has the whole story. It amuses me when I hear thru the grapevine what she alleges that I do (especially in my interactions with other individuals within the company). She is always defensive, even when supporting research shows otherwise (I am a master as drilling down extreme details in any situation). Last week another coworker sent an email defining (to both of us) what our roles entail ( I understand the roles and respect the lines of division), but what  I have been pulled into is her inability to work as a team. For once it is not me, she wants to try to micromanage me, go ahead (I will wear you out before you start), since she is not “over me” in any capacity I do not have to “report” to her as she demands (nor will I, it is not company procedure). I have worked for this company for 10 months before she appeared on my horizon, and have not had any problems with performance, complaints, nothing. I have improved client relations, and salvaged many contracts that would have been lost otherwise.

Now with her in here we have lost a client last month, this month, and already got 30 day notice for next month. I fully expect that is only the beginning, it is not her salary that is effected by the loss of clients (it is mine). Which is why I bother wasting my energy or time with any of it. I decided a month ago it was time to seek other employment, my last  three paychecks have bounced and one of the replacement checks also bounced. My entire summer was hijacked by my employers financial problems. I think I have a right to be more than a little unhappy if not down right pissed.

Tonight she called me kvetching about how she had to waste two hours of her personal time doing one of my assignments. I think she was more than irritated that any and all correspondence I have with her are cc’d to my boss too. I do this for a few reasons one of which is not to “throw her under the bus (can I please)”, but to protect myself. I am honest to a fault, and believe in operating with total transparency, I have been falsely accused of being unprofessional in my communications, and using bad language (yes me of all people). For total transparency and clarity I include corporate on any and all communications, now if that translates to someone else incompetence  or inadequacies being brought to light that I cannot help. Perhaps if she spent more time doing her job instead of other peoples jobs or micromanaging employees that are not her concern then there would not be anything for her to worry about. The close of the telephone conversation was her “threatening” me with how from now on she will send details of all my “wrong doings” just like I do hers for public consumption. I replied with ok, you do that now.

The difference here will be that she had absolutely no reason or need to waste her time with my tasks (nor could she provide any specifics of what it was I allegedly had not done), she chose to do it of her own volition and then wanted to blame me for it. Nope not going to buy into it. I have composed an email of the following:

Ding dong I cannot empathize with whatever it is you are going thru (because I do not know what it is) but I do intimately understand what you go through with the employees from this location. I am sorry you were burdened with such a difficult locale (it was like this before I joined the XXXX  family). But the way you spoke to me earlier and what you said was uncalled for and unprofessional. There are multiple reasons why I cc both AAAA and BBBB on every communication I have with you, I can assure you it is not for the sole purpose of “throwing you under the bus”.


It is part of the managers responsibilities to work on the collection lists, and I do this with great frequencies. If there is something I have not done correctly please tell me what specifically it is or was I will strive harder to correct the problem. But to kvetch at me about how you had to spend two hours of YOUR time doing my job but cannot site one single detail is a little difficult to digest. I will say the CCCC  collection list (that I admitted I had not worked yet) has been a mess for many months, primarily because results from QQQQ still had not been attached (so I had to leave the orders there, otherwise they will never get billed). The way I validated they were actual assignments that had been done and sent to reference was I checked the STAT board and reference portal.


In the future if you find the collection lists are a problem presented by my negligence or incompetence please do not hesitate to notify me with all the details and please by all means feel free to include corporate in the communication. I hope that it does not come to that and there will be better cohesiveness between the local Team. It is an egregious waste of our time and energy to power struggle over such issues, as a team with the same goal we can accomplish more and all have success. 


I will ponder on this tonight, and decide if I send it in the am. I do not want to allow her to take anymore that she has already tried to take. She has essentially tried to castrate me within the company, ok she can have my mountain oysters, but that will be all she can have. When I do leave this company it will be on my terms and not because someone else takes my power or drive.

My kids are home

Published August 5, 2014 by emotionless brain

My kids went to two sessions at camp this summer (two three and a half week sessions) with a five day break in between they came home for. It was a long arduous summer for me for multiple reasons. First I was away from both kids for nearly two months, second my last three paychecks bounced and one of the replacement checks also bounced (that alone has nearly defeated me), third I was unable to take advantage of the time without my kids to do anything for myself.

The biggest news is that after a year of my son living with my half brother two blocks away they (my brother and his wife) unilaterally decided my son was too much for them and they do not want him to return. No transition, no discussion, just he is no longer welcome there. Apparently they got a taste of how difficult my son really is, and honestly they did not see the half of it. They never had to physically restrain the boy (I have had to when he was out of control raging).

So I now am faced to figure out by the seat of my pants how to incorporate my son back into my household. It has been my daughter and I for the past year and yes we have a routine (and are not accustom to having a boy in the house).