ODD

All posts tagged ODD

a conversation with my 15yo son

Published June 3, 2016 by emotionless brain

I was having a conversation with my 15yo son about what his plans are for the summer. I asked him if he has tried to get any kind of work, to which he replied “no, Aunt B has not told me anything, she promised to find me a job”. I then asked have you reached out to Aunt B? Have you reached out to Camp B about the counselor position? He then replied with ” I emailed them back in August, they never responded, and no to Aunt B”.

I could sense and hear in my sons tone of voice the ODD was about to kick in high gear. I calmly listened to him tirade about how the world is made up of  judgmental bigots, and the only way anything happens is if you are lucky. I then inquired how many jobs has he had? how many job interviews has he been on? how many job offers has he had in his experienced (know it all) life? Of course I did not say know it all… I then asked if he would like some advice from someone who has been thru all of the above more than once, of course he declined because he at the rope age of 15 already knows everything.

After the conversation ended I was self reflecting, and actually asked the question “was I like that at that age?” I do not think so, but I am realizing more and more what I thought is or was may be different from what is or was portrayed (if that makes any sense). I remember being fiercely independent, but not a know it all. I knew a lot, heck one of my favorite pass times was reading and rereading encyclopedias. I had a lot of useless information about a variety of stuff, but life, maybe not so much. I also knew how to ask for help and accept it, that is something my son does not know how to do.

I would not admit this to my son right now, but 15yo has to be one of the most difficult times of life.

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feeling manipulated

Published June 2, 2013 by emotionless brain

My son suddenly decided last night he wanted to spend the night  with me. His sister is at her fathers, I was alone, so he came home. This morning I told him I had lunch plans with a friend (who he knows), he (my son) chose the cuisine Chinese. I notified my friend and got it set up. Shortly there after my son says he has changed his mind he does not want to go.

I ask why, he starts to throw a fit, I try to explain there has to be better or more descriptive communication that him just saying “because I do not feel like it”, after all he is only 12. I then asked what happens at his uncles house when he is told to do something he does not want to do, his reply I have to do it anyway, but Ima I dont have to do this right?”.

AAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH

hold on to your hat’s it’s a roller coaster ride…

Published January 31, 2013 by emotionless brain

I was talking with a friend this morning about her kids my kids and summer plans, she was telling me that her ex is being (as expected) a real butt head about summer plans. He is unwilling to negotiate his 30 days and everything else is hers. She wants to send her two oldest to sleep away camp (no small undertaking) and is footing the entire bill not asking for a dime from him and yet he refuses (mumbling something incoherently about its not good enough, or the color of the bathrooms is inappropriate). He then proceeds to inform her today that “oh and by the way I will be out of the country this summer anywhere from three to seven weeks, so you will have all the kids all the time (and no I will not contribute to the child care expenses that should be mine during my 30 day possession  you figure it out.  And another reason why he will not negotiate on the sleep away camp is because she is asking him to forfeit (for the good of the children, she has absolutely no gain in this) one of his weekends of possession.

Does the guy love his kids, yes (in his own perverse way).

My situation is similar and different, I had to call my ex and ask what were his summer plans for possession of the kids, as I was trying to coordinate summer camps too. My ex responds “wifeypoo’s patents are not taking us anywhere till the week after Christmas (I know its not my year to have the kids for Christmas, but I was going to call and ask you if I could take them skiing), so I do not have any plans, if you want to keep them and just put them in camp that is alright with me.” My thought is “oh thanks, so now not only will you not pay your 50% of medical expenses, but now you are snaking on you period of possession because wifeypoo’s parents are not taking you anywhere? So what I now get to pay for both kids sleep away camp, and the following two months of day camp too? You are too kind… And I am supposed to be agreeable for you to take my kids skiing (outside of you allotted period of possession) for a week?

Gee maybe I could take my kids on a vacation if you would pay your 50% of the medical expenses like you are supposed to, but then you know I cannot afford to sue you after the shenanigans you pulled last year trying to sue me for custody. You see my ex tried to sue me for custody one year ago, my son and I hit a rough patch my son went to his father angry at me and said (and I quote) “Daddy, I want to live with you, Mommie makes me mad”. He was 10 years old at the time (the son not the father), so my ex said “ok you can live with me”, and when I would not sign over anything for him to “take” the kids he sued me. The outcome of that waste of time money and resource was he pays more child support, and visitation is followed to the letter of the law (the divorce decree). No more accommodations, nothing. For the first two years after the divorce he only saw the kids for birthdays, and Christmas, Daddy was too busy living his own life to be bothered. Then he got married and typical, suddenly wants father of the year award. Here we are again, they are supposed to go to their fathers for 30 days during the summer, and he is unwilling to bear any financial burden to provide adequately for his children. No problem taking credit and glory for a paid vacation on someone else’s dime.

Am I angry about this you bet, I bust my hump day in and day at working spending every penny I make on my children, rarely ever spending anything on myself. To ensure they have a few extras, and have their needs met, more than just full bellies, and an electronic babysitter (AKA E’s, television, video games, etc). My son specifically does not function without structure (one of the joys of ADD and ODD), he has to have something to do, my daughter organically benefits from his need of structure. When they are with me they do not generally have time to get bored and into trouble. I try to put them in day camps, plan activities, anything but let them sit at home watching tv, or playing Wii, getting bored. What are you doing? I know taking credit where it is not due.

So I ask what is the best resolution? Do I enforce the 30 summer possession? If I do my kids will pay a price, do I let him take them skiing after Christmas? I dunno… humpf

Life is good, kids in bed dreaming about unicorns and laffy taffey trees, feathers tucked in, furbies ready for me to go to bed, oh yes and full bellies…

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My son walked to and from school

Published January 17, 2013 by emotionless brain

I have a rule in my house, if you do not do the morning chores you do not earn a ride to school. I live inside the two mile radius that school district has to qualify for Busing. So if the school district says I am too close to qualify for transportation then my son can walk. I hate it when he walks to school, I am scared something will happen to him, he is not street wise quite the opposite he is very innocent. Some mornings he wakes up and is dysfunctional the ODD is in place before the ADD can even start. My son knows when he has done something wrong, but he still does it. I got him a call phone so when he is at his fathers he would have direct communication with me, they would not allow him to call me when he wanted to, and would not allow him any privacy to talk. So I broke down and found affordable cell service ti accommodate a basic no frills no internet. Yesterday as we were walking out the door I looked where the phone was the night before and said “where is the phone?”, my son replied “I don’t know the nanny will help us find it later, lets go”. Silly me did not even think about it, at about 1pm yesterday my sons phone called me, ooooooppppsssssssssss. I immediately knew what was going on, I called the cell phone company and suspended the service, when I got home he told some story that it was not in his pocket initially that when he looked for it he found it, and he knew it was wrong to take it to school, blah blah blah. My response to him was, son that was Hashem (God) at work. Allegedly when he was trying to turn the phone off it “accidently” called me, sounds like divine intervention to me. Of all the numbers in his contacts why did it call me?

So now I am grappling with do I turn the phone back on? and give it back to him? I want to, but then he will sneak it to school again. There is absolutely no reason for him to need his phone at school. If he needs to call me he can use the school phone. 

Argh the joys of parenting… Life is good the kids are tucked in bed with full belly’s, we have a roof over our heads, and the love of all our dogs and birds (almost all of them are rescues).