confusing confusing confusing

I told my girlie long before I met Mr. S that I do not do the dating scene. I met Mr.S at a party, totally innocently not even being “introduced”. We have spent the past month doing lots of different things, all in the category of what I thought was dating.

Now he has become weird again (exactly as he did when he went on holiday with his kids earlier in the summer). This time he said things like “I am sure we will still be in touch. I cannot be certain or promise I will be able to see you”, and I am sure we will communicate, I just don’t know about late night visits”. WTF?

We had date nite Friday night we went out to dinner and then to a movie. I actually had been in a funk for a couple of days, I am in the last two weeks of this job and it is wearing on me and all the negative crap that goes on with it. I even gave Mr.S an out for Friday nite because I was not in a social mood, but no he insisted. I should have trusted me gut on Friday morning when I told my girlie I wanted to call things off with him, that I needed to go back to focusing on my l kids and not worrying about my desires or emotions.

Like a sap I listened to her, “he likes you, he likes being with you”, “would someone be so romantic if they were not also interested?” I do not fault her in any way for any of this. You see Mr.S is like a brother to her, he is a better brother to her than her own two blood brothers who always seem to sit in judgement of her. I made the request of her not to let my experience shadow her relationship with Mr.S, he is too valuable to her. He is not a bad person, we all have had our indiscretions, we are all divorced and accountable for failed marriages, whatever. I am not out looking for a husband, but I also am not the kind of person that will accept Mr. Right Now. There are too many potential problems, diseases, etc that can and will destroy  your life.

I do not know if Mr.S is stressing about things in his life or what, but he communicated all of this via text, really? Talk about “RULES“, dude you just violated one of the worst ones. Who knows, and now I do not care.

I am still in motion, I will not stop (I refuse to give anyone the power to slow me down when I am moving in a good direction). This only changes things, no more romance, no more sex, no more date nites, yadda, yadda. No I will not be looking to try this again, I was not looking when I met Mr.S, I am most definitely not looking now. If and when it jumps up and bites me again I will consider it (it did this time, it will again). Until then my heart will safely retreat back into its shell much like a turtle, and I will go back to being 100% focused on my kids and not on myself.

Do not hear me say I will stop caring for myself, I will always take care of me. Getting pedicures (as I always have), bikini waxing is new but I’ll stick with it (easier than shaving like I always have done), I have all new undergarments (some sexy some not), I have new pajamas, what more do I need? I am not the kind of person that needs someone in their life, or needs someone to “fill their cup”, I am capable of filling my own cup, and as much as I love sex to me it is not worth the hassle of dealing with someone else baggage.

Life is good, I am finally able to get back on track with my kids and not a moment too soon school starts in one month, feathers are happy, furbabies are snoozing, kids are fast asleep, I have had a glass of wine and will be going to bed soon too.

Saturday night plans

Mr.S and I had plans for Saturday night, he was allowing me to treat him for his birthday (he does not celebrate it for just cause). We had parted ways earlier in the day from the Friday Night surprise.

I purchased tickets to a musical at a local theater, it was not the one I wanted but it would work. Mr. S picked me up kind of late, just in time for the show, he claimed not to be hungry as he had a heavy lunch. So we went to the show, it was fun. We laughed and enjoyed it, afterwards we went to a local spot and had a bite to eat, it was delicious (this was not a local dive but actually one of the classier spots). We shared an artichoke appetizer that was divine, we both had different salads, and chose to decline on dessert there were only three items offered and none stood out to either of us. So we we headed back, first we stopped by my house to let my dogs out (duh I clearly was not spending the night at home again) and pack an overnight bag. The night prior I slept there I did not have a toothbrush, nor anything else I might have needed, body oil, change of clothes, medicine, etc.

After my chores were done, we headed to his house. One thing I really like about his house is the quietness, my house is a hustle and bustle by comparison even without anyone else there. I live close to a freeway, and dead smack in the middle of major traffic, plus there are two inch gaps between the exterior door and the frame. His house is serene, even though it is in the middle of remodel and partially torn up it is so calm and serene.

The mutual friend that had introduced us wanted us to go dancing with her and “Dance partner”, but alas Mr.S was not in the mood for high energy, we were both a little tired and were lavishing in the romantic evening we had shared again! So it was another night of romance and pleasure, not sure if it was mine or his probably both.

We woke Sunday morning very gently, relaxed, and romantically. We have become comfortable with each other, our bodies have found rhythm with each other. Yes we broke the “rules” and jumped into sex, we have stepped back and while we both have desire we are trying to not make it about sex. Talk about a difficult thing, when sex is good you want it right? Mr.S woke up a sleeping creature with me (I have been divorced for four and a half years), no I have not been celibate the entire time apparently just had not found the right partner.

You see I am different than a lot of women, I require a level of attraction and chemistry to be able to perform and enjoy, if the mojo inst there you can forget about it. Sure it sort of goes both ways, but a lot of men can fuck anything (most of them do), and well not that I am tooting my own horn but I am not fugly. Let me paint a picture, 5’5″, 115lbs, hair down to my mid back (curly or straight I can do both) it is auburn colour, I have hazel eyes. I am not as fit as I used to be, but three months at the gym and baby you would never know it has been 10 years since I have worked out. I believe in give and take, so if I want someone that is attractive then I need to also be attractive.

Time to go back to the gym, not because I need to loose weight, or anything like that, but because it is a healthy pattern. Exercise have more energy, feel good about myself, get into better shape, have more endurance, it will only take a few months of work to become rock hard again (and who wouldn’t feel good about that?)

Life is good, I am employed, my kids are waking up form a good night sleep with fabulous dreams, feathers are waking, furbabies are waking. While I did not see Mr.S last night (:-( ), that is ok too.

Is it real or is it memorex…